Non tech email task 2

 

๐Ÿ’ก How to Make This A* Level

✅ A* Email Checklist (Based on Mark Scheme):

CriteriaYou Did It?How to Improve
Identifies key risksAlready strong – just polish clarity.
Uses non-technical language⚠️Improve phrasing to avoid jargon.
Explains business impactGood job here – just make it more concise.
Logical flow and structure⚠️Use paragraphs with headings if allowed.
Good grammar and spellingRevise spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure.
Professional tone⚠️Good intent, but improve wording in places.

✅ Suggested Rewrite (Example A*-Level Version)


FROM: 19SinghH@thomastelfordutc.com
TO: HRdirector@lmccyberconsulting.com
SUBJECT: Summary of Key Security Issues at SwiftFinTech

Dear HR Director,

Following my interview with the IT Manager, I have identified several important issues that may put SwiftFinTech at risk. Below is a summary of the key concerns and their potential impact on the business.


1. Outdated Systems
The servers are running outdated operating systems, which increases the risk of cyber-attacks. This could lead to service interruptions, loss of customer data, and missed deadlines. Additionally, using unsupported systems may result in legal issues related to data protection compliance.


2. Lack of Physical Security
There are currently no physical controls (such as locks or CCTV) to prevent unauthorized access to critical systems. This increases the risk of theft or tampering with sensitive customer information, which could lead to reputational damage or legal consequences.


3. Weak User Access Controls
There is no clear hierarchy or access control in place. All staff appear to have access to admin-level resources. This increases the risk of accidental or intentional misuse of systems, including downloading unsafe software or exposing data to external threats.


4. Insufficient Staff Training
Although new employees receive training during induction, the materials are outdated and do not reflect current threats. Since many cyber incidents result from human error, it is important to provide regular, up-to-date training to reduce risk.


Conclusion
These vulnerabilities expose the business to potential legal, financial, and reputational damage. I recommend SwiftFinTech take urgent steps to address them, especially in improving training, updating systems, and introducing better access and physical security controls.

Please let me know if you need further detail.

Kind regards,
Hardeep Singh


Would you like a template like this for your technical email too?

5 or 6 conclusion 


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